The Most Memorable Red Carpet Jewelry

 We often talk about the most memorable dresses that actresses wore to a red carpet event, but as awesome as those are, a lot of the time they also wear some pretty impressive jewelry and today is the day we’re going to give it the attention it deserves. After all, these accessories are often worth a lot of money and a lot of effort went into making these shiny gems look this good. So let’s do this!

1. Beyonce, 2017 Grammys

We talk a lot about her performance at the 2017 Grammys and how incredible she looked in that gold outfit. But do you remember what she wore when she wasn’t performing that night? Beyonce definitely loves her bling and this 400-carat necklace made by Lorraine Schwartz was worth 12 million dollars.

2. Lady Gaga, 2019 Oscars

Lady Gaga wore this massive yellow diamond to the Oscars in 2019 and it almost looked more impressive than the Oscar that she won. The Value of that necklace and earrings combo is estimated at $30 million. And interestingly enough this isn’t the first time someone wore this diamond, apparently, it’s the same diamond that Audrey Hepburn had in her necklace when she was promoting Breakfast At Tiffany’s.

3. Gloria Stuart, 1998 Oscars

We all remember the massive blue heart-shaped necklace from Titanic. The movie definitely set a trend for heart-shaped necklaces for years to come. The actress, Gloria Stuart, who played the old version of Rose in Titanic wore something similar enough to the Oscars. It was a blue diamond necklace that was worth $20 million.

4. Bella Hadid, 2017 Cannes

We don’t even want to think about the price tag of a necklace like that, but let’s all agree that it’s absolutely stunning. Not many people would think to pair a pale pink dress with a massive blue rectangular sapphire but clearly, it works. Then again, we’re pretty sure that a sapphire like that works with anything, especially if Bella is wearing it.

5. Rihanna, 2014 Diamond Ball

Rihanna knows how to dress to impress, that’s for sure. We loved the pink ensemble she wore to the Diamond Ball in 2014. What’s hard to tell is what’s more impressive, the massive pink tear-shaped rubellite or all the diamonds encrusted on the necklace. It’s definitely a work of art.

6. Sofia Vergara, 2013 Emmys

When you’re Sophia Vergara, you won’t be satisfied with just wearing one kind of gemstone. You have to wear them all, at once if possible. So she really did wear ruby, sapphire and emerald earrings to the Emmys. And then she chose to wear a diamond ring on each hand for good measure.

7. Emily Ratajkowski, 2017 Cannes

Emily also likes to dress up to the nines so to the 2017 Cannes Film Festival she wore this elaborate Bulgari necklace that featured rubies, diamonds and even an emerald. You gotta give her props, it’s quite a big and colorful necklace to pull off, but wearing it with a simple cream silk dress was definitely a great move.

8. Gal Gadot, 2019 Oscars

Wonder Woman, sorry, we mean Gal Gadot, really glammed up for the 2019 Oscars and wore a very art-deco necklace as her main accessory. It was a piece made by Tiffany and it actually features 1000 diamonds.

9. Margot Robbie, 2015 Oscars

Margot Robbie definitely looked stunning at the 2015 Oscars. That chunky necklace she’s wearing is so cool it has its own name. It’s called Zip Antique Columbine and it features sapphires and diamonds encrusted in gold. Oh, and yeah, that zip is fully functional.

10. Greta Gerwig, 2020 Oscars

This year’s Oscars were full of awesome accessories, but Greta Gerwig, the director of Little Woman wore a necklace that just mesmerized us. It featured 9 emeralds surrounded by 49 diamonds. It just looked so good and went so well with her greed dress!

Source : Youngsters

How to Tell if Someone Values You.

 

They Will Do Most, If Not All of the Following.

They offer you their generally undivided focus and attention, the majority of the time you are in their company.

They return your phone calls and texts in a timely manner.

They do not routinely cancel on you.

They are not frequently late in a significant way.

They showcase a sense of openness and interest toward your life pursuits, passions, emotional experiences, and happenings.

They prioritize and make a point to spend time with you.

They don’t regularly leave you hanging.

They are interested in listening to and learning about who you are. Their actions will make this obvious.

They laugh with you.

They apologize when they mess up with you (and, you do the same with them).

They partake, at least a little bit, in the things that are important to you. Whether it’s attending your poetry reading or coming to hear your band play, reading your writing, inquiring about your latest cool project at work, listening to you recollect the wonderful time you had recently with a close friend, taking the time to hear about your children, you get the idea. They don’t have to do this all the time, or even a ton, but they should do it to a decent degree.

They are willing to compromise, to try places and things that you like or suggest (and, you should do the same with them as well).

They are trustworthy. You can feel confident and safe that the things you disclose to and confide in them will remain between the two of you unless otherwise specified.

They do not attempt to bully, manipulate, stronghold, or betray you.

They notice and thank you for the things you do, with and for them.

They pay attention to what’s happening in your life, to the things you love and loathe. They recall these.

They remember your birthday and other significant occasions (the first day of your new job and such).

They put down their phone, away entirely, when in your company. And they leave it away.

In short, it’s quite plain when a person values you. We often make this out to be something challenging and unclear, a thing that’s difficult to figure out and decipher.

It isn’t.

When a person holds you in respected and valued esteem, you won’t really have to wonder. Instead, you know it.

Source : Youngsters

Your Relationship Will Improve If You Stop Texting This One Way

 

Use it for information, not communication.

A couple of years ago, my now husband and I attended a workshop for couples aptly titled “Rules of Engagement.” It would be at this very workshop where we’d learn something that would change how we both viewed texting and help improve communication within our relationship.

At least twenty couples were present at this workshop, all of different ages, races, ethnicities, religions, and orientations. Some were engaged, and some, like my partner and I, weren’t engaged yet, but in talks about marriage. Some also, like my partner and I, weren’t on their first marriage.

My skin prickled with nervousness as I scanned the room. There’s nothing like one failed marriage to make you wonder if you’ll have a second one in your future. My partner, sensing how tense I’d become, set his hand on my leg.

The moderator began with a doozy: “The person sitting next to you will be the person that makes you grow the most in your entire life. You’ll love them. You’ll hate them, but you’ll either grow together, or you’ll grow apart.”

I turned and looked at my partner and gave him a bit of a half-smile.

Then the moderator began with the first topic: communication. He scanned his eyes over the crowd of couples and said,

“When you text, use it for information, NOT communication.”

A few couples met each other’s eyes and laughed. We were one of them.

The difference, the moderator explained, is this:

“I’ll be there at 7.” (information)

vs.

“I hate how your mother always criticizes my parenting. It’s like she thinks I’m a terrible mother.” (communication)

“Things are always lost when you communicate over text, so don’t do it. Wait until you’re in front of each other. Look into each other’s eyes and tell your partner you don’t like how their mother talks to you. Do not do it over a text message.”

“You,” my partner said, taking my hand, “are the worst at that.”

I looked down sheepishly. I had to admit he was right.

Every person has likely committed this error at least once (or, if you’re like me, buckets of times). Texting is an easy way to connect with our loved ones when we’re away from them.

That moderator was right. There is so much lost when we text. The other person can’t see our facial expressions or our body language or hear how we’re voicing certain things. Without those things in place to flesh out how they should take something, they can fill in the gaps with awfulness and then you’ve got an unnecessary squabble on your hands.

UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian found that 55% of communication is through body language, 38% through vocal tone, pitch, and emphasis, and a mere 7% through words.

The reason why only 7% of our communication is based on words is because sometimes our words don’t match our body language.

Here’s an example: “I don’t have a problem with it,” you say, but your jaw is clenched and your arms are crossed over your chest. Your body language is clearly not matching your words. If you’d just texted that information, your partner wouldn’t know that you, in fact, did have a problem with it, and I bet your partner would be in for a world of fun when you met up.

Photo by the author

I, too often, have tried to use texts for communication instead of information. The photo I include above of a text message is a real one from a real conversation I attempted to have with my partner while he and I were both at work. Needless to say, I made things a lot worse by trying to do that over text.

Many people, like myself, choose to text these kind of things because it seems easier. Our phones are always within reach while our loved ones are not.

We also may want things settled now because we’re impulsive. I know when I’m feeling such a way, I want my partner to know now. Plus, my partner and I can be apart for twelve hours at a time, so that can feel like forever.

Further, I don’t like communicating my feelings in person. It makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, and I don’t want to do that in front of anyone, even if it is my forever someone. Also as a writer, I just prefer to write over talk. Writing means I can delete, shape, and re-think things before sending them, while I can’t press “delete” once something has left my lips.

That workshop taught me, though, that it must be something I actively work on. There have been a few occasions now over the years where one of us has said to the other, “Hey, I think it’d be best if we waited to talk about this until later. Remember? Information, not communication?

We all want and deserve happier and healthier relationships, and if we could get that by giving up something as seemingly small as not sharing our feelings over text, why not do it? It could lead to you and your partner having the kind of intimacy and understanding you’d both want.

Source : Youngsters

Are Life Partners the New Marriage?

On non-monogamy, commitment, and freedom.

I’ve seen more people than ever stating that they’re looking for a “non-monogamous” relationship. In dating app bios, general conversation, and on actual dates, I’m amazed at how many men I’ve encountered over the past year who specify this. They say that they’re fine with long-term just not exclusive relationships. And though I appreciate the honesty, it’s not the norm to which we’ve grown accustomed, so it seems odd.

What’s happening? Is this the new normal?

Even megastars Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith recently let it be known that they don’t consider themselves married anymore, but life partners. For them, this means that they’ve committed to supporting one another until the end of their days and neither will have to want for anything as long as the other is alive. The couple didn’t say explicitly that they’re nonexclusive, and even denounced the idea of an open marriage — but they made it clear that romantic fidelity is not the basis of their union.

I suppose our perspective depends on where we place the greatest emphasis. There are many more heartbreaks and betrayals that can be inflicted upon us by a partner than cheating. But traditionally, monogamy has been a foundation of committed relationships, and especially marriage.

Certainly, many additional factors go into the declining marriage rate and increasing cohabitation rate in the United States than wanting to sleep with other people. However, the idea of non-monogamy, and more importantly, the recent boldness in pursuing it must be an element. Expressing a desire to have multiple sex partners used to be frowned upon and reduced to being nasty or a whore. It still carries a negative connotation with some, but the perception overall has softened.

To some, non-monogamy is about freedom and autonomy.

One guy explained to me that he’s no longer interested in exclusivity because he feels it creates, for him, unrealistic demands and expectations. He sees being forthcoming with himself and others about his wants as integrous.

Younger generations seem less interested in avowing to one person for eternity. In fact, speaking of the Smiths, Will and Jada’s daughter Willow said that she views this as ownership — which to her is unappealing.

“Monogamy, I feel — this is just personally, just for me — I feel actually inhibits you from learning those skills of evolving past those feelings of insecurity,” Willow said.

The youngest Smith views monogamy as “too restricting,” but is careful to point out that it’s not because she’s constantly seeking new sexual experiences. She craves emotional connection but doesn’t want the anxiety and jealousy that often come with viewing someone as “your person.”

Willow isn’t alone. Research suggests that more people than ever in the United States are or have been engaged in consensually non-monogamous relationships.

Elisabeth A. Sheff, Ph.D., said:

While it seems highly unlikely that CNM will replace serial monogamy any time soon, it certainly has taken a place alongside singleness, monogamy, and cheating in the menu of possible relationship options.

My life experience and exploration support this theory.

Perhaps we’re actually trying to be better partners by declaring intent upfront instead of attempting to meet a relationship ideal with which we struggle or don’t wish to live up to. I’d much rather someone say from the beginning that they’re not interested in monogamy and allow me to make an informed decision when the alternative is deception.

So, I don’t have an issue with this evolving trend of men I’ve witnessed specifying a desire for non-monogamy. The concept doesn’t interest me but to each his/her own. I respect the transparency.

---

I’m in favor of consenting adults doing what makes them happy. Also, “life partner” is a fitting term for those who simply don’t wish to, or can’t marry. It isn’t synonymous with non-monogamy. Yet, I wonder if the idea is replacing the institution of marriage.

Love remains the #1 reason people decide to wed.

There are several logical reasons many may decide not to tie the knot. Among them are a reluctance to enter a legally-binding union and concerns over finances. Others just consider it an outdated, obsolete tradition.

Opting out of marriage doesn’t mean that there is no commitment. Just as we all know that husbands and wives commit adultery all the time. These are only titles. It’s up to us to give them meaning. The growing popularity of non-monogamy and life-partnerships just speaks to our changing relationship landscape. I don’t know that “change” in this case is synonymous with erosion, however.

Some associate a desire for non-monogamy with a lack of self-control or values. Some equate marriage with love, and if a partner doesn’t want this, think it means they don’t care for them enough. But I can’t say that monogamy or marriage is inherently better than the opposite. I’ve just noticed a shift — in the way that we present ourselves to dating prospects and the comfort with embracing concepts that the majority may consider unsavory.

In essence, perhaps the process has become more authentic.

Source : Readitworld

A Bowl Of Oats A Day To Keep The Doctor Away

. You’ve probably been told that oats are good for you. Trouble is, you know they’re a bland, tasteless grain. Don’t get me started on overnight oats either — there’s nothing appetizing about a cold sloppy mess. Despite my clear prejudice, I just couldn’t ignore the health benefits. It turns out all I had to do was learn how to spice up these little nutrient dense grains. I’ve had a bowl every day since.

---

What is an Oat?

Classified as a cereal grain, it is grown for the sole purpose of consuming its edible portion.

Oats are primarily carbohydrates, with some protein and little fat content.

One cup, or 80 grams, contains approximately 297 calories.

This nutrient dense food provides a number of B vitamins and several dietary minerals.

Iron, magnesium, potassium, zinc and phosphorus are but a few.

Roughly 11% of an oat is made up of dietary fiber, with the majority being soluble fiber.

One such soluble fiber is called beta-glucan, often better described by it’s true function — the super power of the oat.

---

Health Benefits

To understand all the health benefits of the oat is to understand why it was the source of inspiration for this article. After all, the list is quite robust.

Lowers Cholesterol

The beta-glucan found in each and every bowl of oats has the ability to lower your cholesterol. This is true for both your total cholesterol and low-density lipoprotein (LDL). It is also true that this occurs at an incredibly fast rate.

You can expect to see significant reductions in both total and LDL cholesterol in just 4 weeks. In fact, it is likely a reduction of between 5 and 10 percent will occur. The mechanism through which this occurs involves beta-glucan playing an interference role.

It blocks the reabsorption of bile acid in the gut, causing cholesterol levels to lower. This is an extremely powerful health benefit as elevated cholesterol levels are a major risk factor of cardiovascular disease. LDL cholesterol is often labelled as the ‘bad’ type of cholesterol, with high-density lipoprotein (HDL) being labelled as the good guy.

To understand this you must know the functions of both types. Cholesterol itself is essential for a number of tasks required for normal bodily function — so we do need some of it. Have too much cholesterol floating around and it is likely to bind to the walls of our arteries, potentially blocking the flow of blood.

LDLs are responsible for carrying cholesterol particles around the body. The problems occur when there is an excess amount. With nowhere to go, LDL can bind to the arterial walls as plaque. HDL on the other hand can help to reduce this as it works in the opposite fashion.

HDLs absorb cholesterol particles from arteries and return it to the liver. From there it can be disposed of, and flushed out of the body. You can see then that it’s important to maintain an ideal balance of both. Fortunately, beta-glucan does not have the same lowering effect on HDL, allowing us to maintain more of it.

Improves Cardiovascular Health

There are two main ways in which cardiovascular health is positively impacted; the first being directly related to our cholesterol levels. You see, the process of plaque building up in our arteries has a name; atherosclerosis. It causes our arterial walls to become hardened — potentially restricting blood-flow around the body.

As we know, LDL can play a contributing role in this condition. With plenty of studies providing evidence that regression of atherosclerosis is possible, there is reason to believe lowering LDL levels will help. This regression depends on the removal of plaque deposits on our arterial walls — the role of HDLs.

The process of ‘reverse cholesterol transport’ is promoted by the presence of HDL. Studies have shown that an increase in HDL levels, with concurrent reductions in LDL levels, are able to regress the severity of atherosclerosis. Whilst oat consumption won’t increase HDLs in the body (a healthy diet will), it will help to improve our balance via LDL reduction. Regression is particularly important as it is not often identified as a risk factor until symptoms appear; by which time there is already a significant amount of plaque build up.

The antioxidants found in oats can actually help to guard against artherosclerosis. These are called avenanthramides, and are not present in any other cereal grains. Working in the opposite way, they promote widening of the arteries, or vasodilation.

By promoting the release of the molecule nitric oxide, arterial walls ‘relax’. With the walls of our veins and arteries widened, blood flow throughout the body can increase. Vasodilation of the blood vessels will essentially increase the available pathway — very handy around sites of significant plaque deposits.

Promotes Weight Loss

It’s time to give yet more love to beta-glucan. It is the reason eating oats makes you feel fuller for longer. Because of its high viscosity, beta-glucan impedes the digestion and absorption of nutrients. This is the mechanism during digestion of the fiber that causes perceptions of satiety to accelerate. Because total calorie intake is the driver of weight loss, it can only be beneficial to eat a food that helps to manage appetite.

Better Glycemic Control

Because beta-glucan does slow down the digestion process, the rate at which the carbohydrates from the oats are metabolized is slower. This is especially important for type 2 diabetics. But it’s also important in the prevention of the condition.

Oat consumption is associated with better glycemic control, helping to prevent the development of diabetes. This can also be seen over the long term using the HbA1c test. Your HbA1c is the measurement of average blood sugar levels over a 6 week period. Increased oat consumption is associated with a reduction in HbA1c, suggesting that it can be a valid strategy for lowering total blood sugar in the body.

Enhances Bowel Health (and movements)

There’s both long and short terms benefits of oat consumption on bowel health — again thanks to beta-glucan. In the long term, early research suggests that beta-glucan may have a protective effect against colorectal cancer. And if you’re someone dealing with irritable bowel syndrome beta-glucan will definitely help. Symptoms such as bloating, flatulence and abdominal pain are often reduced.

When talking short term we must discuss the (usually daily) bowel motion. Soluble fibre increases stool size and causes it to soften. This allows it pass more smoothly through the bowels for a more pleasant motion — something I have certainly noticed myself. It’s so powerful that the majority of people suffering from constipation are able to find some relief.

How To Make Delicious Oatmeal

It’s time to throw away the instant oats. Your best bet for delicious oatmeal is to use rolled oats — the perfect compromise between convenience and taste.

Base Recipe

• 1 cup of rolled oats
• 2 cups of water or milk (it will always taste better with milk, no matter the type)
• A pinch of salt (helps to enhance sweetness)

To make: combine all ingredient in a pot; bring to a simmer; let simmer for 5 minutes or until the desired consistency is achieved. Use any portion size you like — just remember that two parts liquid to one part oats is ideal.

Spice It Up

• Make it creamier — you can always add more liquid after the fact. Too dry? A splash of milk after cooking will sort this out, and add valuable flavor.
• Sweeteners — and I’m not talking about the artificial kind. The best real foods to use are bananas and honey (or agave syrup). Mash up half a banana and add it to the pot during the cooking process (enjoy a smell akin to fresh banana bread). For the honey, just add a generous squeeze before anything else and mix well.
• Fruit — another way to sweeten the oatmeal naturally, and to add valuable nutrients and fibre. Anything goes here, with bananas (just slice up the other half), strawberries and blueberries among my favorites.
• Seeds — we’re looking more at nutrients than flavor here. They are easily hidden within the oatmeal, just be sure to mix well. Chia, sunflower, flax and pumpkin are just a few examples. All great for adding various nutrients like fiber and protein.
• Nut butters — whether it be of the peanut of almond variety, both will add flavor and nutrients. Make the most of the high protein and unsaturated fat content. But make sure to use the right type — look for a product that contains 99.9% nuts with a dash of salt.
• Add crunch — directly contrasting the natural creamy consistency of the oats adds immense flavor. Any type of nut or your favorite granola makes a great final topping.

Still not convinced? Well, the good news is you can simply add oats to a shake. Because all oats are processed before human consumption, there are no downsides to consuming them ‘raw’. If you have a good enough blender you wont even know they’re there.

Finally, whilst oats are marketed as breakfast food this should not stop you from eating them at any time. With a lot of us choosing to skip breakfast — myself included — you will have to include them in your diet at another time. I eat my bowl of oatmeal every day at lunchtime and I can confirm that it still tastes delicious.

Source : Youngsters

8 Things To Know If You’re In A Relationship With An Empath

 

How to love a highly sensitive, empathetic person.

Empaths are unique in many ways, both positive and negative. One thing is certain: after dating one, your life will never be the same.

Being in a relationship with an empath is a wonderful, challenging experience. Wonderful because life gains a whole new meaning when you’re loved by someone so caring and sensitive. Challenging because empaths don’t take love lightly and things can get extremely intense.

As an empath, I’m aware of my strengths and vulnerabilities. I know I can be too sensitive at times. But I have also learned that my sensitivity is precisely one of my strengths — not one of my weaknesses.

We empaths are highly attuned to our environment and to the people we share our life with. Being with the right person — someone who adores us and values our particular traits — plays a huge role in our well-being.

If you’re in love with an empath, these are some things to keep in mind if you want your relationship to flourish and reach its fullest potential.

---

1. Our alone time is non-negotiable

Relationships are important to us. We thrive when we’re surrounded by people who truly respect us and love us for who we are.

However, we are lone wolves. We need our downtime as no one else does. We tend to absorb our partner’s energy, and become overwhelmed, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space.

It’s not a luxury; it’s about self-preservation. I feel suffocated and disrespected when I’m not given my space to breathe and recharge, and I’m at my best when I have that time for myself.

2. Be sensitive about how you express yourself

Empaths usually think twice before saying or doing anything. We’re extremely careful when expressing our feelings and opinions because we don’t want to hurt anyone with our words — and we expect the same in return.

Keep in mind that we get easily hurt by criticism and judgement. We can’t just “shrug things off”. So, if you say something that causes damage, there’s no going back. We’ll feel sad and overwhelmed by our emotions for hours.

3. We can’t stand shallowness

Understanding an empath requires an incredible amount of empathy, and connecting with us is something most people we date are unable to do.

Everything we feel is deep, and that includes our love for you — it’s as real, raw and pure as it can be.

“The sort of love that awakens all the cells in your body is the norm for us. It has such intensity that it slows down time, makes you feel like a million bucks, and reminds you what’s important in life. I’m talking about THAT kind of love. I’m not saying it lasts forever, especially in long-term relationships, but you’re almost sure to experience it if we fall in love with you.”

Ginelle Testa, in Love Is Intense For Everyone, But For Empaths, It’s Out Of This World

4. Believe in us, and verbalize it

Empaths are creative souls. We have a million dreams, visions, and aspirations, and we love to fantasize about them.

Although it can be beneficial for us to be with someone who’s more down-to-earth, it’s important to find a compromise. We’re at our best when our partner believes in our abilities and helps us make our dreams come true. When this doesn’t happen, we feel devalued and invalidated.

5. Allow us to express our emotions freely

We wear our hearts on our sleeves. We feel a lot, and we feel intensely. It can be tempting to tell us to ‘let it go’ and focus on something else, but this is not something we can easily do.

Don’t try to change us. Don’t tell us we’re too sensitive — we’re perfectly aware of that and we work really hard to accept ourselves. We’re our own worst critics and we don’t need any more judgement.

The best thing you can do is to comfort us and support us through these difficult moments and phases, and we’ll forever be grateful.

6. Don’t force us to socialize when we don’t want to

Now, I’m at a point in my life where I know my boundaries and I respect my emotional needs. But usually, empaths do their best to please everyone and it can take a long time for us to learn how to put ourselves first.

We love to socialize and to spend time with those who are important to us. However, as I’ve mentioned, we also need our downtime to unwind.

If sometimes we don’t feel like going out, then please respect that. It’s nothing personal. We’re probably just trying to recharge and process our emotions.

7. Be always honest — we know when you’re lying

Our intuition is usually spot on. We know when you’re speaking the truth — we may choose to look the other way because we love you and we have the habit of seeing the good in others, but believe me, we know.

If you want to avoid conflict, just tell us the raw truth in a kind, considerate way. Heck, there’s no one more understanding and compassionate than us (which can be one of our flaws sometimes!), so there’s no point in lying to us.

8. Our hearts are constantly broken

“An empath’s heart is constantly broken by injustice, by inequalities, by the amount of toxicity in others and by being hurt by people. So, the least of your worries will be that you’ll ever get hurt by an empath. They are very aware of the pain in this world and that’s why they’ll do anything they can to protect your heart. You won’t have to worry that you’ll be cheated on, that they’ll ghost on you or anything like that because, when it comes to empaths, they always put your needs before theirs.”

Maria Parker, in 8 Ways Empaths Love Differently

---

Empaths are highly sensitive souls who are easily misunderstood. We’re giving, loving, compassionate, and sometimes, extremely anxious.

Being in an intimate relationship with an empath is like experiencing love from another planet.

You’ll probably catch yourself wondering what is it that you did to deserve to be loved in such a special way, and the answer is: probably not much. But it doesn’t matter. Don’t wonder where you got it from. Accept it and embrace it.

Source : Youngsters

5 Simple Mistakes New Runners Need To Stop Making

 

Avoid these common pitfall most newbie runners make

1. Analysis Paralysis

I have a friend who spends more time planning and preparing than doing the actual activity that will make him healthier.

Most people looking to get in better shape will generally experience some sort of ‘analysis paralysis’ — a state of overanalyzing or overthinking a situation so much that it causes you to become “paralyzed” in making a decision. This state of mind will limit your ability to take action instead of just doing it.

The best place to start is always with what you have. You don’t need any fancy running shoes, clothes or gadgets. Just put on your favorite pair of shoes and do it.

The first time is always going to be uncomfortable. No amount of planning, purchasing, or prepping will prepare you for that. There’s no substitute for just doing it.

So don’t get paralyzed searching for the latest shoes, shirts, or gadgets. Just go out and run. Eventually, better gear may help. But don’t let the lack of it be what stops you from getting started in the first place.

2. “I don’t like working out.”

Most of us generally understand how to get in better shape: Eat better, workout more.

While the strategy is pretty simple, it’s not always easy to follow it. Whether it’s fear of failure or embarrassment or general misunderstanding, I constantly hear excuses as to why people can’t get in shape.

“I don’t like working out.” is the king-daddy of them all.

There are always going to be things in life that we don’t like to do. Oftentimes, it’s these things we don’t like to do that provide us with the most benefit of all. And working out is no different.

Treat it like a job. Or like a shower. Or just treat it like something you have to get in every day (or every other day), regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Whatever the strategy, treat it as it is — something to keep your body and mind running in tip-top shape.

I don’t know many people that go more than a day without showering. So why do we go weeks, sometimes even months, without working out?

3. “But where/how do I start?”

To get healthier you have to start where you are. You have to do what you can, with what you’re given.

• If you can’t run 10 miles, run one instead.
• If you can’t run a mile, fine, go for a walk around the neighborhood instead.
• If you can’t walk, fine, try just standing up out of the chair 5 times.

Everyone is in a different spot — different circumstances, different situations, different energies — but that doesn’t mean you can’t do something.

To get in better shape, you have to start somewhere. You have to start where you’re at, with what you’re given. That could mean just taking the stairs at work, opting for the salad at lunch, or going for some evening walks with your spouse after dinner.

4. Waiting for the Perfect Moment

People who want to get in shape are constantly waiting for the conditions to be perfect. For the stars to align and the motivation to kick them in the butt and drive them forward.

It’s totally understandable. It’s hard starting something new, let alone trying to change your habits and body all in one go of it. Perfect conditions would be ideal.

But, this mentality isn’t going to work because the perfect moment won’t ever come. It’s a fantasy. A hoax. Things are NEVER going to be perfect when you’re getting started.

The conditions will never be perfect. It’s going to be difficult whether you start now or Monday morning. You’ll sweat just as much, feel just as sore, and struggle just the same.

The only difference between starting now and Monday morning is that you’ll feel better and more confident come Monday if you started today.

5. Fully Commit

Before you lift one dumbbell, take one step or start a single workout, you first have to commit to actually making a change.

If you really want to make a change — whether it’s getting healthier, feeling better, or even getting abs — you have to be willing to give something up.

It’s not enough to just say you want to get in better shape. You have to be willing to actually make a change in your life.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

• It could be exercising 30 minutes a day, 4x per week. That’s a big change.
• It could be swapping takeout for lunch with a salad you brought from home. That’s a big change.
• It could be refusing to buy junk food at the store. That’s a big change.

Whatever it it is, no matter how big or small, in order to change your body, you first have to be willing to change your lifestyle.

Source : Youngsters

This 8-Word Meditation Changed My Life

 

In, out. Deep, slow. Calm, ease. Smile, release.

In2015, I fell on hard times. I was in a downward spiral; the worse things got, the more I obsessed over prior misfortunes. Eckhart Tolle calls this phenomenon “the pain-body”: a state of compulsively seeking turmoil, even if it means hurting others. Your pain-body thrives on conflict and misery, so it demands that you experience anger, shame, and hopelessness as viscerally as possible.

Tolle has explained the pain-body as follows:

It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person, though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on.

Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.

When my pain-body took over, I began to relive painful memories.

This “intrusive re-experiencing” was excruciating.

I thought about the worst moments of my life hundreds of times every day.

Therapy and exercise helped, but I needed something else.

So, five years ago, I read You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment.

It’s kind of like a manual for day-to-day living, written by a Buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hanh.

It helped, and I highly recommend it.

You can buy it online for $6.

What I want to highlight today is a meditation Hanh prescribes for people feeling overwhelmed. Some call it a “meditation poem.”

It’s very short:

In, out.

Deep, slow.

Calm, ease.

Smile, release.

Per Hanh’s instructions, I practiced reciting the poem in my mind while I breathed. As I inhaled, I would focus on the word “In.” As I exhaled, “Out.” Inhale, “Deep.” Exhale, “Slow.” You get the idea.

You don’t even have to worry about modulating your breathing.

In fact, Buddhist practice is generally to let your breath do what it wants to do during meditation.

But you will find that the mere act of monitoring your breath causes you to breathe gently.

---

When my thoughts were chaotic and unmanageable, Thich Nhat Hanh’s poem really helped me soothe my mind. I would sometimes imagine that I was inhaling cool air directly into my brain. I could relax, I could focus, and I could sleep better.

And you can breathe into any other source of tension in the body. Whatever ails you — your back, your joints, your stomach — try to inhale directly into the pain or discomfort.

You’ll find that you can manage the sensation, even if you still need medical care to treat the underlying cause.

Hanh’s meditation poem is the most portable life-enhancing tool I’ve ever encountered. It’s easy to memorize, and it’s very effective. You can incorporate it into your daily life without setting aside time for meditation, and I hope you will. My mind has been a calmer place since I did so.

“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Source : Readitworld

The Last Time I Had Sex With My Wife

 

For anything new to begin, something must first end.

Coldness reflected off the gray paint in the bedroom.

An empty room, except for a lonely bed.

An empty bed occupied by myself and my thoughts.

Wrapped in white bedding, I hid my head from the surrounding void. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want the life I now lived.

Clouded sunlight from the window above failed to warm the blanket. The open window letting in a Michigan January made sure of that.

Suddenly lost in a very real reality I didn’t know what to do. Or I did and I didn’t want to do it.

A groan from the front door downstairs as it opened. I didn’t lock it the previous night. If someone wanted to rob me they’d find an empty home. If someone wanted to murder me they’d do me a favor. But I knew the guest to be neither thief nor executioner.

It was my wife. And the steps creaked under her feet as she approached the bedroom.

Not The Life We Imagined

On paper, we were perfect for each other.

We met in film school and spent years walking the streets of Savannah as we grew closer. She shared her love of music. I introduced her to Seinfeld. There are times when, a decade later, I’ll hear her snort-laugh during a scene.

We moved to Michigan together and, almost five years in, I popped the question.

Yes, on paper we checked off every box, but life happens, and life doesn’t care how many boxes are checked.

She might have been the one now destined to wear the scarlet letter, but much of the responsibility for our failure lays at my feet. A stranger in the Great Lakes State, I’d transplanted her for work and I know I didn’t offer the kind of nourishment she, a Georgia Peach, needed. A thousand miles from friends and family, she did her best. It was I who should have done better.

I thought over it all as I lay there in bed. The cold, empty bed I once shared with her. What could I have done differently? Would it, in the end, have even mattered?

The bedroom door opened and closed. I knew the cadence to her footsteps. The smell of her skin fresh out of the shower. The rustle of denim between her thighs. If someone had come to do me in, the assassin would wear a familiar face.

She slid under the bedding. Eyes, tired from moving, looked into mine. She’d been crying. The skin always puffed around her eyes when she did. I wonder if she knew I had been crying as well.

A Home Into A House

Six weeks earlier she moved out of the house and back to Georgia to be with those family and friends she left behind. At the time we told everyone she went just to visit, although we knew that wouldn’t be the case. As the weeks dragged on others caught on as well. They stopped asking where my wife had gone. It created a flock of onlookers, gazing up at us as we stood on the edge of divorce, waiting for us to jump.

That moment came. It was spoken over the phone. Paperwork was started. Government-mandated waiting periods began. And she returned for her things, parents in tow.

We made arrangements for her and her family to move what belonged to her while I left during the day. My mom asked if I wanted her to stay, to make sure they took only what belonged to them. I didn’t think that to be a good idea. I feared returning to the home only to find them agreeing to pistols at dawn.

The morning of I made coffee prior to leaving for the day. I offered a cup to the dad. He thanked me but raised his already purchased cup. I offered a cup to the mom. She poured it out. I decided it best for me to leave.

After two days I returned to the evening. They were just leaving. Dad shook my hand and gave me a knowing nod. He was in his own second marriage. Mom slid into the Uhaul and slammed the door. She was in her second as well.

My still-wife-by-paperwork said they’d leave the hotel early in the morning. I wanted to hug her. To say goodbye. I knew I’d see her again when it came to going in front of the judge, but I knew this truly marked the end of our relationship. The final surgical cut necessary to save the two of us by the only means necessary: Separation.

I wondered if hugging her would be appropriate. Based on the glare from the mom, I thought better of it. So I went inside. I felt empty. Almost as empty as the interior.

Most of the furniture had been hers. A television slouched against a far wall looked over by photographs. They didn’t want to take the memories with them, so they were left behind. Windows of happiness into a life that no longer existed.

There’s something strange about an empty house. When moving in it’s full of opportunity and potential. When moving out it’s void of life. The ghosts of dreams and memories all that remains.

I went upstairs. I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to sleep and hope slumber will fill the growing space in my chest.

The Final Time

She took my hand in hers. I placed a palm to her cheek. We were both empty, an emptiness caused by one another. There was love still there but it couldn’t be salvaged.

When we kissed it filled me with life, but life quickly left. It would be the last time we’d sleep together. Neither of us closed our eyes. We wanted to see it. Remember it. Drink it in.

The white sheets hid the cold sun. Our own cloudy day. Arms wrapped around one another. Breath warmed our skin. Fingers traced over backs and arms and legs, mapping out bodies in the atlas of our minds.

I felt her heartbeat through my chest as it told my own heart goodbye. It responded in kind. Nails dug into mattress and skin. Tongues licked at perspiration. Lips pressed to necks and thighs and stomachs. Tears slid from eyes.

We made love one final time. It had been a long time since we did anything of the sort. It was a final goodbye. A goodbye to our relationship. A goodbye to our partnership. A goodbye to our plans and our future.

She slipped out of the bed as quickly and as quietly as she came, leaving me with the scent of her skin after a shower and the sound of denim between her thighs.

I didn’t wash the sheets for a long time. I didn’t want to lose that smell. I wasn’t ready for that.

I wasn’t ready for a long time.

It’s all a memory now. A memory from a lifetime ago. In many ways a different lifetime. I’ve moved on. So has she. Ultimately we’re better for the time we shared together and yet we’re better apart than we would have been together.

I don’t know if she shares the same memory. The last time we made love. It wouldn’t bother me if she didn’t.

I’m glad for our time together. For the ending we allowed ourselves. But I’m also glad for where I am today and the future relationships I will have.

For anything new to begin, there must first be an end.

And that is how we came to an end.

Source : Readitworld

Our Love For Keanu Reeves Highlights Double-Standards For Men and Women

 

Keanu Reeves

has been described by the media as one of the most introverted people in Hollywood, but in recent years his status has been updated to “America’s boyfriend.” For many people, it’s not very hard to see why.

He’s the sort of actor

who’s really grown into himself throughout the years, and he carries a sort of cool and calm charisma that so many of us are drawn to or would like to emulate ourselves.

Some of our love for the actor comes from the roles he plays. If he’s not out saving the world, he’s often got the weight of it on his shoulders. And in real life, it seems like he’s dealt with so much too. At just three years old, his father abandoned him and his mother.

As he grew up, his mother married and divorced three more men. Reeves famously lost his only child on Christmas Eve in 1999 when his girlfriend Jennifer Syme delivered a stillborn baby. The couple quickly broke up after the loss of their daughter and then Jennifer died little more than a year later.

His sister went through a decade-long battle with leukemia, which led Keanu to create his own cancer foundation. There have been claims of him cheerfully giving away millions of dollars, sitting down to chat with the homeless, and nonchalantly giving up his subway seat.

It’s easy to like Keanu. We admire how he appears to be a good guy despite his fame and fortune. The other reasons why we love him, however, are a bit more absurd.

---

Inrecent years, one thing seems obvious. The problem with Keanu Reeves isn’t Keanu Reeves. By all accounts, he is a pretty great guy. No, the problem with Keanu Reeves is the way we attribute supernatural goodness to the actor for doing very ordinary things.

For instance, much has been said about Keanu’s history of dating age-appropriate women. Folks are ready to give the dude a medal for typically dating women 10-12 years younger than him. As opposed to, I dunno… ladies half his age. These days, people are extra swoony about his love life just because his current girlfriend, Alexandra Grant is a bit closer to his age and dares to wear her long hair gray.

To hear folks gush about how amazing Keanu Reeves is to be dating a younger (but not too much younger) woman with gray hair is really quite strange. Most people wind up talking about the pairing as if she’s an old lady, or as if she looks so much older than him.

She recently turned 47 and he’s nearly 56. So, there’s almost a 10 year age gap between them. I don’t think most folks get what’s happening here. We are lavishing praise upon a man for dating a younger woman who’s chosen to age more naturally, and we’re simultaneously judging her appearance in a negative light with the insinuation that she looks so much older than he does.

It doesn’t make any good sense. Unless, of course, we are watching double-standards for men and women at play.

---

Sure, compared to many other men in Hollywood, Keanu doesn’t seem to be too shallow about appearances in relationships. He’s not galavanting around with women half his age or younger. And he doesn’t surround himself with “trophy” partners or models.

And?

Does the man deserve a medal? I can’t help but be reminded of the way folks respond to Pierce Brosnan having a “fat” wife. Again, it seems strange to pile on the praise for a man who simply isn’t an asshole about his partner’s appearance. Do they actually need praise for that? Because when we make such a big deal about famous men loving women who exist outside of society’s “standard of beauty,” we’re also upholding those standards as the norm.

Piling on the praise for these men also sends out the gross message that women who don’t fit into a certain beauty mold are difficult to love. That it takes a superhuman man to “put up with them.”

And must we even applaud a dude for selecting supposedly age-appropriate partners? Personally, I like an age gap of about 12 years, and I don’t think that age gaps are anyone’s business when all parties have fully consented. But when we praise Keanu Reeves for his history of dating women who are, on average, a decade younger than him as the not shallow choice, what does that say about the women who are actually his age or older?

After all, we are talking about a nearly 56-year-old man, and we think it’s amazing that he’s dating a 47-year-old woman. And why are we so hung up on her gray hair or wrinkles? Keanu is graying and getting wrinkles too.

It seems awfully disingenuous on our parts to act like he’s “taking one for the team.” Besides, such a response only solidifies the ridiculous notion that older women have lost their sex appeal and that older men only want younger models.

---

Ofcourse, girlfriends aren’t the only area where we shower Keanu Reeves with praise. We also love him because as far as any of us know, he’s pretty squeaky clean in terms of the #MeToo movement. He’s actually made headlines for… not touching women in photos.

It says a lot about our culture when it’s newsworthy to point out that a man doesn’t touch women when they pose for pictures, doesn’t it? And who knows, maybe he does it to respect women, or maybe he does it because he’s a germaphobe. The irony is that it doesn’t matter.

Any man alive should be able to not touch women. Without help or prodding. But no, we’ve decided that not touching women is exemplary behavior. As if an “ordinary” dude can’t respect a woman’s personal space. Who do we think they are, Keanu Reeves?

That’s how ridiculous we sound when we gush over the fact that he poses without getting handsy. It completely misses the point. Instead of being amazed by his behavior, we ought to be inspired to expect more from men.

Swooning over a man with boundaries, as if it’s so fucking impossible, is weird. There, I said it. It sends out the completely wrong message to men, who I wholeheartedly believe can do better.

But we can’t seem to stop looking at pictures of Keanu Reeves in disbelief as if he has some unearthly ability to keep his hands to himself. It’s too bad we don’t just hold him up as evidence that men don’t need to behave like shit just because they can.

Believe me, I agree that there’s a lot to like admire about Keanu Reeves — but that’s without going gaga over such simple and basic things that other men should be capable of managing anyway.

---

Anytime the media starts swooning over Keanu, I try to imagine the same thing happening with a woman in Hollywood. Frankly, it’s tough to picture. Emma Watson might be the closest example we have of an introverted female celebrity who’s benefited from her own temperament. When praised for not being a party girl like so many other actresses her age, she’s quick to point out that it’s more about her personality as an introvert than any conscious decision. But it’s also her conscious decisions that lead to harsh criticism.

When Watson referred to herself as “self-partnered” back in 2019, the media lined up to rake her over the coals. The Daily Mail called her “one of the most annoying people around,” New Statesman heralded her “the death of female liberation,” and the Times dubbed her “woke and wanky.”

Like Keanu, Emma seems to be convinced

that she can use her fame as a force for good, but unlike Keanu, society has a tendency to roll their eyes at her like she’s an out-of-touch child.

Indeed, Emma Watson is about 25 years younger than Keanu Reeves, but you’d be hard-pressed to find another introverted actress to even compare to “America’s boyfriend.” American society isn’t too interested in the sex appeal of quiet and brainy 55-year-old women.

Actresses who are currently in their 50s include Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Salma Hayek, Julia Roberts, Julianne Moore, Viola Davis, and Helena Bonham Carter. Can you imagine if we praised these women for pursuing “age-appropriate” romances? Or if we gushed because they didn’t make men feel uncomfortable?

The truth, of course, is that we judge women in their 50s for not looking like women in their 30s. While the men of this world can keep saving the day, women in Hollywood report that their good role opportunities dry up fast once they hit middle-age. And then we harp on those women who aren’t all smiles and sweetness too.

Perhaps that’s where some of the criticism comes from for Carrie-Anne Moss. At 52, she’s reprising her role as Trinity in The Matrix 4, and fans (ahem, mostly men) have had a lot to say about how her appearance is supposedly not up to par. It reminds me of the ridicule Carrie Fisher received when she returned to the big screen as Princess Leia. One New York Post writer quipped, “If Carrie Fisher doesn’t like being judged for her looks, she should quit acting.”

Look, everybody knows that men are allowed to grow old, go gray, take on great roles, and get the 22-year-old model. But women? An aging actress is often treated as an affront to the audience’s senses.

But it’s cool, people. Keanu Reeves is so incredible that he’ll date a woman approaching 50 without gagging. There’s hope for us yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obsessed with my new LOVE hoodie! Made for @grantloveproject by @everybody.world. Now available online (www.grantlove.com) and at tomorrow/Sunday's pop-up shop. Details below. Photo by @jesseprints. .... holiday pop-up shop Sunday, December 16th 11am - 6pm 1619 Vintage Boutique @1619_silverlake 1619 Silver Lake Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90026

A post shared by Alexandra Grant (@grantalexandra) on Dec 15, 2018 at 7:33pm PST

So, while we’re on the subject of Keanu Reeves, who happens to be a very nice man in Hollywood, why not talk about his girlfriend, Alexandra Grant? People seem to forget (or not even care) that she’s a successful visual artist. In fact, she and Keanu first collaborated on a book back in 2011, called Ode to Happiness. In 2016, they wrote a book together named Shadows.

The following year, Alexandra, Keanu, and designer JessicaFleischmann started a small publishing company called X Artists Books (XAB).

Established in 2017, XAB is a small publisher of thoughtful, high-quality, artist-centered books that fit within and between genres. Our books are works of art; portals to imagined worlds; treasured companions; the fabric of a community. We love the same things about our books as we do about our friends: generosity, open-heartedness, intelligence, mystery, style. They bring sustenance and shift realities. They may occasionally break your heart.

— XAB, website

But Grant’s work with Keanu is not her greatest accomplishment. The same thing goes for her romantic relationship with the famous actor. She graduated from Swarthmore College with a BA in history and studio art in 1994. In 2000, she earned her MFA in drawing and painting from San Francisco’s California College of the Arts.

Alexandra Grant’s first solo exhibition was in 2007, and she’s built a successful career of thought-provoking and collaborative art while also working as an active philanthropist. Inspired by Paul Newman’s food label to generate funds for charity, her grantLOVE Project is “an artist-owned and operated project that produces and sells original artworks and editions to benefit artists and arts non-profits.”

This is a woman who has no need to reside in the shadow of a male celebrity, and her social media channels show it. While the rest of the world can’t stop talking about her in relation to Keanu Reeves, her social media feeds are Keanu-free.

---

Instead of gushing over how incredibly brave, woke,or good the actor is to date a gray-haired 47-year-old woman, maybe we could respect her for her own accomplishments and acknowledge that Keanu has entered a relationship with a dynamic woman who is clearly his equal.

Should we be so enamored with a guy like Keanu Reeves? Sure, I don’t see why not. But let’s admire him for the truly spectacular things and quit behaving as if his down-to-earth life choices somehow make him supernatural.

Progress for women demands that we quit making men out to be heroes whenever they behave with decency and happen to not degrade women. It’s time to expect more from our men. If anything, Keanu Reeves is proof that they can rise to the occasion — not evidence that they just can’t help being image-obsessed horn dogs.

Source : Youngsters