10 Signs Someone Doesn’t Care About Anyone Other Than Themselves

 

Stop giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people

Our relationships come in a variety of forms, from long-term friendships, romantic liaisons, familial relationships, fleeting friendships, and beyond. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you have with someone, all of them require a healthy measure of communication. Now, communication is more than verbal, there are plenty of nonverbal cues that highlight insights you may not pick up through verbal cues.

When you embark on a new relationship, it’s exciting. You feel optimistic about it, whether it’s a romantic interest or simply a new platonic friendship. If you’ve had difficult relationships in your history, then it’s nice to seize on the optimism new relationships offer. That is, of course, until you get a better read on someone and realize they’re just not that into you.

You feel exhausted trying to make this person care about you. You’re constantly presenting your point of view and the other person simply isn’t interested in your feelings. They’re missing a sensitivity chip, there’s a deficit there — unable to understand the emotions of others because they lack empathy.

For you, it’s frustrating to spend time with someone who only speaks of themselves while shutting down any attempt you make to share information about yourself. They’re interested in information that aligns with what they perceive you as and other than that, they’re more likely to talk at you, they use a condescending tone, they often manipulate you into believing that not only are they right, but that your feelings just don’t matter much.

That’s difficult to deal with, but the biggest favor you can do for yourself now is to recognize the signs that someone doesn’t care about anyone other than themselves. Your lesson starts here.

 

Questioning Your Relevance

Whether you’re dealing with a selfish person or a full-blown narcissist, they’re the type of people who constantly question what you’re saying. They will question whether it’s relevant and if it’s relevant, they will question whether it’s valid. It will reach a point where they suggest it’s selfish of you to even voice your opinion.

It’s Entirely One-Sided

Do you always call first? Are you the first to reach out by text? Do you suggest plans? If it’s always you, then you have to ask yourself why? Is this person a flake or are they just so involved in themselves that you don’t cross their mind? Good friends can go a while without contact, but if someone you’re in a relationship is constantly ghosting you… there’s a bigger issue at play.

Someone who cares about you won’t make excuses or flake on you, they’ll be open and honest. They want to hang out with you and if they don’t have time, they’ll just tell you that! We’re all busy, but if you’re the only one putting in any effort, then you know the problem isn’t you.

They Attack

If you want to know how this person speaks about you, take a look at how they speak about other people. Do they commonly attack the characters of others, including their significant other or close friends? If so, they do the same to you. There’s a massive difference between friends venting to each other in a healthy, productive way and the emotional toxic dump that we’re referring to. You can vent without attacking people directly, and an attack makes it clear they lack integrity and respect.

They’re Inconsiderate

Do you have people in your life who only hang out with you when the stars align for them? If it’s convenient for them to see you, then they will. When you offer ideas and suggestions, they try to lead you to what they want to do. For example, the friend who only reaches out when they have relationship drama they want to dump on you. You’ll know the difference because an occasional crisis is different from a constant crisis.

They’re Disinterested

They never ask questions about what you’re up to, what you’re doing, or how you’re doing. They’re entirely interested in refocusing the conversation back to them if it ever strays. It often circles back to a woe is me attitude as they unload looking for sympathy and pity. They’re the people who don’t want details about you, they’re not listening to anything you say, they’re in it for them.

Difficult Conversations Are A No-Go

Well, if you’re prepared to listen, which someone who doesn’t care about anyone other than themselves would be, then you’re ahead of the curve. They’re not prepared to listen, they’re not prepared to speak, they don’t want to have the difficult conversations. They just don’t and they’ll shut it down however they can. Stop wasting your energy on people like this. If it feels like they just want you to play a certain role in their life, it’s not for you. You’re constantly growing as a person and no one should stand in the way of that evolution.

No Accountability

One of the reasons many of these people won’t have those tough conversations? They’re not ready to be held accountable. They want to blame anything and everyone else for their behavior or choices. They’re not going to acknowledge their role in the situation.

Dishonesty

The foundation of every healthy relationship is trust and when you’re dealing with dishonest people, you can’t build healthy relationships. When someone cares about themselves only they’re happy to be dishonest to avoid accountability. They tend to lie about absolutely everything and anything. Some might do it for their entertainment, others might not even realize they’re doing it. Either way, head in the opposite direction.

Disrespectful

The people who have always pushed past your boundaries to get their own way… they don’t like it when you establish (or re-establish, for that matter) your boundaries. The more firm you get with your no’s, the harder they seem to push. They try manipulation, they even try guilt and shame. They feel entitled to your energy and time, and they will do anything to get their own way. There’s only one thing you can do when you’re in this position — walk away.

Your Emotions

Do you experience anxiety, shame, dread, or guilt in relation to a specific relationship? That’s not a normal response to any type of relationship. So, if you’re experiencing negative emotions and it’s tied to a relationship in your life, you might want to question whether your emotions are trying to tell you the other person is only interested in themselves.

 

Where Do You Go From Here?

Well, once you’ve identified these problematic people in your life, you can address the issue directly and/or walk away from the relationship.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but if you see any of these signs present in any of your relationships, you’ll be far happier and healthier if you deal with them.

Don’t ignore red flags, whether it’s your spouse, parent, sibling, or a friend.

There’s a good chance you already had a feeling that something wasn’t right in this (or these) relationships.

You’re strong enough to deal with this and move forward in happiness and health.

Source : Youngsters

Do These Things To Survive The Rest of The Pandemic

 

Upgrade your mask. Eat healthy. Sleep. Laugh.

You could say round one of the pandemic is over.

We didn’t do very well.

Plus, round two has already started. The good news is that science has a plan for us. I’m not a scientist, but I listen to science.

I got an A in AP biology and a B+ in chemistry, which already makes me more qualified than most of our politicians. Smart people have been taking this thing very seriously. We always do our homework. So here’s a list of practical things you can do to actually make it through this winter:

Upgrade your mask.

The health experts say the point of wearing a mask is to protect other people. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of idiots out there who think it’s a terrible assault on their personal freedom.

So you’re going to have to level up your facegear.

Everyone in the world is selling masks right now. Kylie Jenner probably has one. Hold on. Let me check.

Yep. She’s got one. Take a look:

Wow. That looks safe…

Try this instead:

Get a nanofiber mask.

You need a mask that filters down to .3 microns. These are called N95 filters. Earlier this year they were hard to come by, and you’d probably go to hell for buying them, because that would’ve meant depriving hospitals of PPE. Good news, a lot’s changed since then.

A few months ago, startup companies like Filti started making high quality masks and replaceable filters with nanofiber materials. They’re not medical grade, but they’re lab tested. There’s also HALO Mask, which makes the same kinds of products, using nanofiber manufactured in New Zealand. I did my homework. They’re both legit. (And they’re not paying me anything to plug them. They barely know I exist.)

This means you can go run errands without freaking out whenever some covidiot crosses your path without a mask.

Same goes if you can’t work from home.

Your mask actually protects you. How much? A helluva lot more than your standard generic face mask at most stores.

I’ll take it.

You’re skeptical. That’s cool.

Researching masks turned into a summer project. I spent weeks digging through articles and websites. Finally, a reliable newspaper published this piece explaining how mask filtration works.

Basically:

Yes, the coronavirus is smaller than .3 microns. (.1 micron, to be exact.) But that doesn’t mean anything by itself, for two reasons:

1. Viruses always attach to larger particles. Nobody inhales free-floating virus. They inhale droplets, which are always 1.0 micron or bigger. You’re filtering the droplets with virus attached to them, not the naked virus particles themselves.
2. Masks with .3 micron filtration can capture particles smaller than that because of a phenomenon called “Brownian motion.” That means very small particles move in a jagged zig-zag pattern, which increases the chances they’ll get snagged.

So you’ve got a plan for a decent mask.

Now what?

Start taking Vitamin D

You should be taking a multivitamin. On top of that, the experts are starting to learn that if you’re topped off on Vitamin D, you probably have a lesser risk of dying from the coronavirus.

Hey, you might as well try.

You can take a supplement. You can drink milk and orange juice. You can eat salmon. You can make sure you spend half an hour outside.

Yes, every day.

No, you can’t just sit by your window and read.

I’m lazy. I checked.

Glass blocks the specific spectrum of light your body needs.

Start eating your veggies.

Your immune system likes healthy food.

Dark greens: Kale. Spinach. Broccoli. Asparagus. Plus onions and tomatoes. Even my 2-year-old eats kale now.

I mix up a bunch of vegetables and kale in a giant batch and pour balsamic and lemon juice all over it. Add some pepper and feta cheese, and some olive oil. I can eat that all day.

Start making elderberry syrup.

Some studies show it helps reduce the duration and severity of the flu and other viruses. Buying elderberry syrup in a bottle is expensive. So you can make your own. Just buy some elderberries in bulk. You can find all kinds of recipes for syrup online.

Stop drinking so much.

You’re going to need your liver.

Alcohol is bad for it, and basically everything else in your body. New studies have killed that cozy idea that drinking in moderation might improve your health. Basically, the downsides of boozing far outweigh the benefits. Alcohol might lower the risk of heart disease, but it increases the risk of cancer and liver disease. I know. This sucks.

We’ve all been using health as an excuse to justify drinking a helluva lot more than usual this year.

You’re gonna have to reel it in.

You get to drink once a week now, if that. And you get to have one or two drinks maximum. It’s almost, like, not even worth it.

Did you know the number one reason people drink is boredom? So I guess you’ll need to find a hobby.

Let’s move on to your mental and emotional health.

Learn to be okay with a mess.

For the first six months, I was all about chores. They relaxed me. Seeing a perfectly clean sink brought me peace. Folding laundry calmed me down. Then something changed.

Work got busy again. My toddler developed advanced mess-making skills. Keeping the house clean morphed into a set of expectations I was placing on myself. I sacrificed sleep to keep everything tidy.

This had to stop.

Upon reflection, I figured out what I was doing.

I was stress cleaning.

Chores were a way for me to feel like I had control.

Learn how to do nothing.

The answer to stress cleaning was learning to let go of control, as in literally just stop my brain and do nothing for ten or fifteen minutes. It was easier than I thought. I was ready for a break.

I just had to give myself one.

Now I’m cured. A handful of dirty dishes in the sink doesn’t stress me out anymore. I can’t afford to let it.

Doing nothing is the most relaxing thing in the world right now. It beats just about everything else.

Stop trying to relax.

Relaxing is overrated now. In the pandemic era, it doesn’t work. I finally realized that everything I was trying to do to “chill out” was just overstimulating or triggering me.

After a while, my favorite shows just made me think too much about the future, or too much about the past.

So just do nothing.

Or…

Stop your revenge bedtime procrastination.

We already weren’t getting enough sleep before the pandemic. Part of the problem is that we convince ourselves to stay up too late. We do that because we’re trying to steal back a part of our day.

The Japanese call this, “Revenge bedtime procrastination.”

They have the best names for everything.

Sleep is more important than ever. So when you’re tired, do what Samuel L. Jackson says. Just go the f*ck to sleep, man.

It’s almost winter.

You’re a mammal. Your body wants to hibernate.

Let it.

That doesn’t mean sleeping the next six months in a cave. But it does mean going to bed when you feel tired, regardless of what time it is. I’ve been going down around 10 pm some nights, about two or three hours early for my taste. But it’s giving me a lot more energy.

I wake up at 5 or 6 am, ready to go.

Finally become a morning person.

If you’re stuck in quarantine with family, then super early mornings are basically the only way you can work in peace now. Back in June, I could work under distraction and disruption. Sometimes I still can. But making that the norm was wearing me out.

So if I actually want to be productive, I’ll wake up at 4 am and work for a few hours before the kid arises.

It helps. It makes the rest of the day more relaxing.

Stop trying to not talk about the news.

You know what happens when you try to not talk about the news?

You think about it.

Then you talk about it anyway.

Then you feel guilty.

What a vicious cycle. If you want to gleefully speculate about when Trump’s going to have a relapse, then just do it.

Get it out of your system.

Remember to laugh.

Take the world seriously. But not that seriously.

We were all freaking out about the first presidential debate. The top Google search the next day was “move to New Zealand.”

Then Jim Carey and Alec Baldwin saved us. They reminded us how comically absurd that entire debate was.

Don’t forget to laugh.

It provides perspective. It also boosts your immune system.

So watch comedy. Tell jokes. Be sarcastic.

Find happiness where you can.

It surprises me how often I’m actually happy when I follow all this advice. It almost feels like the world isn’t falling apart.

I feel prepared for worst case scenarios.

I’m not scared of the bottom anymore. I know what we’ll be doing for the next six months, and I know what’s going to happen.

Now it’s just a matter of getting through it.

So upgrade your mask. Take your vitamins. Eat your veggies. Cool it with the alcohol. Go to sleep when you’re tired. Stop stress cleaning your house. Remind yourself how to just do nothing. Stop trying so hard to not be in a pandemic. Just be in it.

Source : Youngsters

Because they know what you’re worth to them.

“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.” ― Esther Perel

Are you a loving partner?

We all like to think we’re on the money with this one. But the truth is most of us fall into the “could do better” category.

Perfect doesn’t exist inside relationships — so that’s not the goal. The goal is to be as loving and supportive as you can, and to make an honest contribution to your relationship.

Obviously, that’s easier said than done. But the very first step is to rule out the things that will damage your relationship.

Here are seven things loving partners strive not to do.

7 Things a Loving Partner Doesn’t Do

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” — Juno

1. Pick fights unnecessarily.

Conflict is okay — even healthy — as a way of sorting out difficulties in a relationship. But some people pick fights for their own reasons —maybe they’ve been raised around conflict so they’re most comfortable on the “battle ground”; maybe they want to provoke a reaction from you; maybe they just hate their boss/job.

But someone who continually picks fights — and can’t enjoy the chill times — is hard to be with: they’ll end up making you anxious or causing you to shut down. A loving partner doesn’t go looking for trouble — they’ll address the issues that need sorting, but let the rest go.

2. Flirt with others in front of you.

It’s entirely human to be attracted to other people. It’s how you show it that makes all the difference to your relationship. Some people flirt because it’s habitual, almost ingrained in their personality. That’s fine if you don’t mind. But, if you do mind (and you’ve told them so), it’s disrespectful. A loving partner respects you and your feelings — so leaves you in no doubt that, to them, you are the most important person in the room.

3. Leave you guessing where they are.

Loving partners are not secretive; they’re open about where they are and who they’re with. If their plans change, they’ll call you or flick you a text. Because, in their excitement of being with others and whatever they’re doing, they haven’t forgotten about you. They’re thoughtful. And you matter.

4. Let you carry the load.

Relationships should be like a job share. You each do the “stuff” you’re good at/like so you’re both contributing. A loving partner won’t lie on the couch with a giant bag of chips and the remote while you do all the chores, sort the kids, pay the bills, mow the lawns, cook the dinner, organise your lives. A loving partner will contribute — willingly.

5. Overwhelm you with their struggles.

Some couples operate a “rock” and “rolling stone” system where one person provides the steadiness, and most of the support, for their more emotional partner. That’s fine if you’re both happy with it. But a loving partner who is going through a hard time will realise when enough is enough — they won’t exhaust you with their problems — they’ll make room for your “stuff” too.

6. Take aim at your vulnerabilities.

This is a low-blow and if you find yourself on the end of it your partner has gone beyond not being loving to being an asshole. Your partner shouldn’t take a crack at you where it really hurts — such as your body/physical appearance or personality. (But they are allowed to speak up for where something is hurting them, such as your untreated mental health issues or addictions). A loving partner will encourage and support you to work on the things YOU want to work on, but they’ll love you anyway.

7. Don’t make you №1.

You should feel like the top priority in your relationship. If you rank behind your partner’s friends or work or Pinterest account or phone or mountain bike or golf clubs or latest fitness fad, you’re in trouble. Independence is important, and you both need lives/friends of your own, but a loving partner will keep you at no. 1 — even when temptation beckons.

Source : Medium